oh for stupid

This weekend, I realized I had almost 1200 pictures in my default photobucket account and wanted to separate them into themed albums and make them more accessable to myself and instead, I wrecked the links to almost all of them on my blog. I'm sorry but I'm not fixing that big mess too! :)

I will, however, try to be better about organizing them before posting them on my blog.

19 days {adoption post two}

Trying to remember where we left of.. {off to check last post} hmm. ok.

Hospital picture.

So, after 5 days in the NICU/ICU we went home & spent the saddest and happiest 14 days of my life. What a mix {especially with post-partum hormones} and it didn't help that we were in close contact with an adoption social worker the entire time. She even made 45 mile trips from the city {f-town} to visit a few times with her profile binder & other assorted paperwork. Austin {now known as Leighton} got to meet a few of my friends and a few of my extended family. He lived with us, and became a part of the family against the urging of said social worker - she suggested {and said most birthmothers do} having him stay in a foster home {one of their selected hopeful parents' home} until I come to a decision so I don't have my heart ripped out if I decide on adoption. I had no plan up to this point & had not more than considered my options, most certainly had not discussed options with anyone.

My mom mostly loved being grandma & taking care of teeny tiny baby - at the time it was her actual paid job to take care of NICU babies after being sent home. She has a great big heart and is a wonderful nurse & grandma. Also, a very supportive Mom - the best. Being adopted herself, she understands adoption and how great it can be. Her parents were never blessed biologically but by adoption three times. Amazing. I wished my Grandma {never met my grandpa} was still here to talk.

So, my wonderful Mom put me in a place that I knew her & my dad would love & help me in whatever decision I made. They would continue to let me live at their house until baby & I could make it on our own, indefinitely. I was in my 2nd year of college and 1st year of my new {2 year} program. So 3 semesters left of school, working one nearly full-time job and one part-time job. She also supported the idea that this sweet baby should have two parents who love each other and could show him the same love. Parents who are ready to be parents & can provide all the things and opportunities that I might not be able to so young. We talked & cried.

A decision was eventually made, but there was still time to not follow-through. I told my social worker that I wasn't ready to be a mom yet and chose C&A from the profile book. They were young {26 & 27 at the time}, had no other kids yet, but were hopeful, and were Christians. The last thing? They lived in the town I was going to school at and knew I would eventually be back in myself.

December 16, 2005 - hardest day of my entire life to this point.

Court.

Bawling in front of a judge while telling him that this is for certain what I want to do. And I won't change my mind.

Going back to the adoption agency to say one final good-bye {see you later} to the sweet baby boy who'd spent the last 14 nights and days with me.





Bittersweet, but treasured 19 days.

WIP Wednesday

Orange, blah. It's on though, I'm going to have to do it because I've not thought of what I want to knit next yet. It's basically been a really lazy week this week. But I have big plans for working on stuff not knitting related {aka. procrastinate on orange some more}and I know my hands will get bored and some knitting will come about.

I unwrapped the baby blanket to take a picture because it's so sweet:

One side is polka dots & one side ladybugs with flowers. the bow is scraps from the blanket :)

Also, Grandma bought something else for me (and Devin) at the fabric store on Sunday:

I'm going to make the top & pants with the arrows & cuffs on the sleeves & pants like I circled. We bought the fabric for it to be a sweatsuit, not pajamas but with the reasoning that this pattern can really be made a bunch of times with all kinds of knit fabrics - hooray for that. The fabric we bought is pretty ugly since the store had a seriously limited supply of sweatshirt fleece and the hugest selection was the blanket fleece type. But I'll consider it attempt #1 and I'm sure I'll have mistakes this time and improvements next time when I buy cuter fabric. :)



Lastly, this familiar lamp (we had two just like it growing up in our old house) was outside our apartment one morning so I grabbed it because we need a lamp (ours was cheap & the shades are melted) and I figured I'd try make it over. I've seen a bunch of people in blogland fix up some pretty neat lamps, so I need paint for it and a shade (and bulb.. hehe). I just cleaned it today on my lunch break and I'm pretty sure it can be cute. It's been in my garage like 6 months, so it's time, Rob threatened to throw it away unless I do something with it so... wish me luck. If it ends up dreadful, I'll still share :)

Happy Wednesday!

5 Years {adoption post one}

My sweet boy Leighton will be turning 5 at the end of this month. I can hardly believe it. Funny how his birthday coincides with Thanksgiving and National Adoption Awareness Month. At least to me it is.

Five years ago, at this time, I was pregnant and only myself plus one person knew about it. The one person, would be the babies other 'parent' and we were living a few hundred miles apart. Speaking terms were here or there and mostly for support and over the phone. I literally did not tell a soul, other than him and while that says alot about my secret-keeping abilities I know {now} that it doesn't say much about the person I was {am?}. Weak is the word that comes to the front of my mind. Five years ago.

When he came - my world was flipped upside down. I had a scary delivery & after-effects. We both stayed 5 nights at the hospital {only getting to meet the 3rd day}, and the next 14 nights together at home, my parents' home at that. I took care of the smallest and sweetest baby I'd ever seen. He was 5 lbs. 11 oz and 19 inches - thin sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. My baby, with alot of doubt and sadness over the decision that would decide the future of both my life & this innocent baby boy's life too. Five years ago.

weekend recap

Friday - stopped at CVS before going home from work. Check it out!!

total was $4.26

+ $4 ECB! Yippee!!

Saturday - Rob & I tried to re-arrange the livingroom. Read as: I had a great idea and wanted my livingroom clean and Rob frogged the idea, but helped me clean and we got rid of our broken recliner and the room ended up staying the same. Plus we went to wal-mart.

Sunday - My Mom came & got D & me for church at the church we went to before we moved away from F-town and it was nice. We'll definitely go again. Then Olive Garden (delicious) and the fabric store and the grocery store. Then get home and fall over. Just kidding about falling over. But seriously, I missed the Vikings finally WIN a game, it was all in the name of family time and grandma spending money on us. :)

Once I got roast in the oven and D down for nap, I sewed up a baby blanket (to go with the knit booties & hat) for my friend Kim's baby shower next weekend. And I didn't take a picture of it either because... I forgot. Oh well, no real talent was involved, just slap two (cute) pieces of flannel together & stitch around the edge, then flip it right way out and stitch around the edge again.

Also, finished knitting 2 things. Someone slap me if I start something else without finishing my stupid razor cami.

bad pic: peacock bag

pink circle scarf/cowl...

The circle scarf can also double as a hood/ear warmer but I can't get a decent picture of that, so you'll have to take my word on that. Here it is all flattened out:

And for tonight: dinner with my mother-in-law.

 PS. What is a more PC term for her since we aren't married? Just Devin's other grandma?

almost a week later...

A halloween slideshow - for simplicity's sake.
Here's a peekie of what our costumes ended up being this year.

Happy Friday & Happy Weekend!

WIP Wednesday

I started a circle scarf! I don't know what the final length will be, since it's sorta wide, I might make it short so it's more like a cowl..? or longer so I can double it over. I'll see how I feel when it's long enough for the shorter length, I have 2 skeins and I'm barely halfway done with the first and it's about 17.. (?) inches long, so just about long enough to join the ends for a short scarf. I got this yarn @ the yarn store {vs. hobby lobby} and it is super soft, it's mostly acrylic with some wool. while I was wandering around the yarn store, I thought magenta would be really cute with my charcoal grey coat, and... I bought pink instead. I still love it and if I have enough yarn leftover, it'll be matching mittens!

peacock bag is just about there. possibly finish-able tonight. it depends I guess, since we rented toystory 3 and I like to really pay attention the first time I watch a movie. I usually only knit if the news or re-runs are on - or of course nothing I want to watch.

Also, I'm knitting this bag with those very same bamboo needles I complained about a few weeks ago - they worked so perfectly with this yarn. so therefore - the yarn I used sucked in the other project LOL. This yarn is 100% cotton and I love the way this bag feels and hangs - I can't wait to finish it!

orange fell down and has been resting under my desk for like 3 weeks now. argh, I hate that nagging feeling of having something un-finished and I suppose once I finish these other 2 projects I'll just do it before cast-on-itis hits {heh, good luck with that}.

Next: yet another bag of the same variety for Rob's mom
         and going to give the yoga socks another try.

Happy Humpday, this week is half over and I'm so happy about that!